X-ray Guru Gifts

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

If nobody had invented graphics

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

Roentgen tries to figure out what he's discovered.

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"Can you check inside it for me, Mister?"

"What is it Doc, I can handle it."

"Hmm, well, I wouldn't worry too much. This condition is very common in your profession."

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

Orthopaedist

'I don't like the looks of this - there's nothing wrong.'

I owe you an apology for not believing you have back pain.

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

"I don't like the looks of that Spot on your lung."

"How cute! Our technician photo-bombed your X-ray!"

"The good news is your back surgery has healed perfectly. However, it looks like you may have to go back for a second exorcism!"

'As you can see, the CAT scan of your brain turned up positive.'

"Trust me I'm a Doctor."

'Good news! Your positives look negative.'

"Were the x-rays really necessary?"

"And then I said 'Don't worry, this is perfectly safe!' Ha, ha!"

Alcoholic's X-Ray

'It's so rare you'll need your own teleton.'

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

'Billy, no! Midterms are tomorrow!'

"But the good news is I've found my watch!"

So, what did my x-rays reveal, Doctor? Oddly enough, beneath your finished ink drawing, there was a rough sketch in blue pencil.

'You're right - the dog did eat your homework.'