Writing Songs Gifts

'Here's one I wrote to cover the sound of my wife's voice telling me nobody is going to pay to hear my songs.'

Joan Jett

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Copycats

I should be a writer when I grow up...

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'How fast can you hype?'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Squeezing the Free Press.

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Campaign for Plain English

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Torturing the English Language

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"