Songwriters Gifts

'I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it's more of a wrap.'

"Okay, the mice can be blind, but if we introduce a carving knife, we'll have to use it in the third stanza."

She doesn't like my song? All the kids LOVED it at Day Care!

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

Campaign for Plain English

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"That is an outrageous slur."

Annie, the Reptile version: 'The sun will come out tomorrow! Tomorrow! You will sun yourself tomorrow!'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

"Do you like it better when I go to the F or the Dm?"

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

New music conference

Guitar Man.

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

Bryan Ferry

Arthur Schopenhauer

Henrik Ibsen,

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."