Song Lyricist Gifts

"Yes, 'the lion sleeps tonight', I know the tune, but it means it's had a good feed during the day, which is not really a good thing..."

Lennon and McCartney.

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

Anna Calvi

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

George Michael

"That is an outrageous slur."

I'm not saying I'm not a hound dog. I'm saying I'm not nothing but a hound dog.

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

Bryan Ferry

'I don't know much about history, don't know much biology ... but we'll be OK if there's a round on song lyrics.'

"This next one's called 'Song for Me'."

Bashful in Nashville

"This next song is just a song. Try not to read anything into it."

"I can neither confirm nor deny what this next song is about."

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

Blues artis's daily list

George Michael

'He's working on a lullaby.'

Joe Henry

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

'My love is like a red red rose...'

Ray Davies

"I always thought love made the world go round."