Songwriting Gifts

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

'Figures can be misleading - So I've written a song which I think expresses the real story of the firms performance this quarter.'

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

'This next song is about a close call and a near success. It's called The Grant that Got Away.'

'This one writes some fine lyrics, and the other one has composed some beautiful music, but they just done't seem to hit it off as collaborators.'

'If only I could write music that would have that much influence over people.'

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

Rick decides to save his real lyrics for when someone is actually listening.

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

Blues artis's daily list

"I'd better get a hit country song out of growing up this way."

"This is my own arrangement...of a song I wrote...about me."

Paris, 1922, George Gershwin and Franz Kafka try to write a musical.

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

'This next song is about putting your dreams on hold and doing whatever it takes to pay the rent.'

"Here's a little song I wrote in prison. Actually, I was at Motor Vehicle renewing my license, but it SEEMED like prison."

"Actually, I'm a singer-songwriter bird."

'Every time I manage to learn the second verse of a song, I forget the first one.'

'The music business.'

"And now a little number that asks the musical question 'Do you recognize this meat cleaver?'"

"This next song is also about air-conditioning."

'This next one I wrote myself. It's about pain, misery and heartbreak, until I finally wised up and dumped him.'

"And now, with apologies to Cole Porter."

Lovebird and the Song Birds

Open Mic

"Is it copyright violation if I plagiarize a plagiarized song?"

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

"Hows the protest song coming along Bill?"

Bob's girlfriend provided him with inspiration...and sex.

'This is the 'I Fell Behind On My Credit Card Payments, So They Took My Guitar Away Blues'. I'll be performing it a cappella.'

"The days of great lyrics are over. Let's aim for greeting card lyrics."

'I don't think he sucks so much as his influences suck.'

"This next one is about the healthy and drama-free relationship that very nearly ruined me as a songwriter before I realized what was happening and got the hell out of there."

"That is an outrageous slur."

George Frederic Handel tries to write lyrics for his 'Royal Music For Fireworks.'