Songwriting Gifts

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

'Figures can be misleading - So I've written a song which I think expresses the real story of the firms performance this quarter.'

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

'This next song is about a close call and a near success. It's called The Grant that Got Away.'

'This one writes some fine lyrics, and the other one has composed some beautiful music, but they just done't seem to hit it off as collaborators.'

'If only I could write music that would have that much influence over people.'

Rick decides to save his real lyrics for when someone is actually listening.

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

Blues artis's daily list

The Beatles

Paris, 1922, George Gershwin and Franz Kafka try to write a musical.

"I'd better get a hit country song out of growing up this way."

"This is my own arrangement...of a song I wrote...about me."

"Actually, I'm a singer-songwriter bird."

'Oliver's a very sensitive singer-songwriter.'

John Lennon and Barry White in heaven arguing over who is the Walrus.

"Here's a little song I wrote in prison. Actually, I was at Motor Vehicle renewing my license, but it SEEMED like prison."

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

'This next song is about putting your dreams on hold and doing whatever it takes to pay the rent.'

'The music business.'

'Every time I manage to learn the second verse of a song, I forget the first one.'

'This is a song about losing something you dearly love, searching for it everywhere and finally finding it only to lose it again. I call it 'Lookin' for my remote in all the wrong places'!'

Button up your overcoat.

'This is the 'I Fell Behind On My Credit Card Payments, So They Took My Guitar Away Blues'. I'll be performing it a cappella.'

Bob's girlfriend provided him with inspiration...and sex.

Lovebird and the Song Birds

"And now, with apologies to Cole Porter."

'...Let's write a song all about the evils of material wealth. After all, that last one netted us a bloody fortune!'

'This next one I wrote myself. It's about pain, misery and heartbreak, until I finally wised up and dumped him.'

"This next song is also about air-conditioning."

"This next song I wrote I won't sing due to political correctness."

"The days of great lyrics are over. Let's aim for greeting card lyrics."

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."