Writing A Thesis Gifts

Report on Plagiarism - 'You've copied all this off the internet...'

Math Dept. Professor, I'd like to write my thesis on infinite sets. Don't start something you can't finish.

"How do you do endnotes for stuff you just know."

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

His Master's Thesis.

'It's time to move out when Mom says...'

"It's time to get politics out of money."

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

Book publishing.

"Unfortunately, what you downloaded from the net is a ten-year-old paper I once wrote for my college boyfriend!"

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

Bleh! What's up, little man? I can't figure out how to start my essay on integrity and honesty. Oh yeah. I once wrote one of those. Excellent. Can I use yours? Honestly?

Time for speeches

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"It's my autobiography. I call it, 'I Married Her For Her Money, And Other Gross Miscalculations'."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

Victory speech.

"This oughtta be good...my lawyer is about to read my Will. I left everything to my cat Binky!"

'In the first place, my domestic science teacher wanted to show me how to cook but now, she wants me to write an essay about the difference between onions and bulbs!'

"I love my George. He has a will of his own, and it's made out in my favour."

The Pope looks through here to check out the crowd before he speaks. Ah --- The papal people peephole!

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

"I totally meant to do that."

"I, Arthur, being of sound mind, have spent it all on wine, women and song."