Wrestling Humorist Gifts

"They call you Abominable and me a monster, and they don't even know us."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"Gee, thanks pal."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Football Chameleon

Punt Cake

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Alternative fielding positions

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Trojan Hurdler.

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Sloth 10K.

"Getting the hang of it?"

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

The Hockey World