Wrestling Humorist Gifts

"They call you Abominable and me a monster, and they don't even know us."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Punt Cake

Football Chameleon

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Alternative fielding positions

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Trojan Hurdler.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'