World Improver Gifts

"Through our organization, we hope to eliminate poverty, illiteracy, hunger, blindness, hangnails, red tide, bad hats, and comb overs. Our motto: Focus and Achieve."

Atlas rubbing stains off world.

Not a Cage/Not a Citizen

Yet more brilliant ideas - squander antibiotics, forget renewable energy, fill the world with despair and hopelessness so people turn to terrorism!

"I think you got the wrong end of the stick...When we voted to use the money to help the Third World by buying livestock or providing clean water....we meant to send a cheque!"

The Fall of Capitalism

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

"Looks like we found the issue."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

Jazz is Invented

Allegro con molto espresso

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

Cheating Death.

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

Mensa Does Improv

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Chemistry Improv Theater

"Yes, I'll marry you -- but I do a lot of improv, so I say yes to anything."

"You don't seem to know your lines." "That's because I'm an understudy."

'He says he too would be grinning were he to be adored all over the world.'

Office improv: "Just make it up as you go along."

"And this is the traditional alternative."

"Don't sweat the small stuff."

"I can help you with tiny, little steps. As for breakthroughs, you're on your own."

"So when did you interest in health and safety start?"

"You're too self-critical."

'So, what part of the house are we delivering shock and awe to this weekend?'

"Do that thing where you leave."

"As these negotiations break down and tensions rise, keep in mind that when this ends we're still members of the same improv troupe."

"I took your advice and went on a strict month-long diet, but I only lost 30 days."