Workplace Wit Collector Pillows

'I lead by example as long as I'm not held legally liable.'

"I've had my eye on you for some time, Parker....just what is it you're supposed to do around here?"

'I do good work... unfortunately, I don't do it here.'

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

Suggestives.

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

"We're a family here and you'll be like a son to me - illegitimate, of course."

"Things must be worse than we thought - he's rationing the water and the biscuits."

"This position has become very important to the company."

I'm a self-made man!

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

How are you at decision making?

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

Concerned that she would be passed over for a promotion if management knew she was pregnant, Donna concealed the fact.

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

'I'm working with a bunch of cavemen.'

'Please Henderson - Not another one of your bright ideas!'

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'