Collector Of Office Tales Pillows

'Back in '83 I painted my entire den white with those little bottles of correction fluid. That was the golden age of office supply pilfering.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Friday

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"If you'd like to take a seat."

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

"You're hired!"

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

File Cabinets for Perfectionists

"Good news. You know that elephant in the room we never talk about? He's now in the other room."

'I do good work... unfortunately, I don't do it here.'

"We're a family here and you'll be like a son to me - illegitimate, of course."

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

"Time to do it in!"

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'Before I show you where you'll be working, let me just say that some companies use money as an incentive. I use Vito here.'

'Here's a signed statement from Vince Cable saying we can get rid of underperforming employees more easily.'

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"It's not that casual of a Friday!"

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

Your call is important to us...

'We're not looking for someone who wants to run with the wolves. We're looking for someone who wants to run over them.'

'Sorry, Gowp, but I'm rteplacing you as Head of Advertising.'

To get you up to speed Higgins, we're in a cartoon and I'm about to say something clever.

''Casual Friday' does not mean you may unbutton your lip!'

'Shred that last mental note I gave you.'

'I can't sleep... Tell me about your day at the office again.'

'I've been knocking for ages!'