Office Anecdote Lover Pillows

'No, I don't think Dr. Williams will be mad because you came to me for a second opinion, but I'm mad because you didn't come to me first.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'What's wrong now?'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

'You can drop all the hints you like, Jones. We're not buying you a computer.'

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'I give this one about three months...'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

"No, I'm not really a CEO. I just like to keep up with the Joneses."

'That's Oog -- he got a haircut and a job.'

'As a CEO, I stand up for our rights. You've got the right to work 17 hours a day and if you don't do it, I've got the right to fire you.'

The World's First Electronic Paperweight

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'