Workplace Safety Satirist Gifts

One of Santa's elves is crushed to death by a present in the workshop, ruining the 364 days of 'Elf and Safety'.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

Another day at work would be one too many...

In and Out Tray

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'Remember, Jenkins, I want those briefs on my desk by morning.'

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'I'm being promoted to The Capable Office - he said I'm incapable!'

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

Office temperature.