Workplace Safety Comic Lover Pillows

'Your responsibility as safety officer is to record accidents after the event.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"I've been thinking, but I'm going to stop."

If there is a postive response, say it was my idea

Speeding Forklift

"The boss went undercover and got fired the very first day!"

"Come out, Snivers, it's a decent enough redundancy package."

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

"Of course I'm proud to work here... Why do you ask?

"I started in the Lab and worked my way up."

'It's not that I don't appreciate the work you do for us, it's just that nobody does.'

Lemon Flavored Water (Instead of Raises)

"You are adequately qualified, Mr. Harris, but I'm afraid I'll be hiring somebody else as I don't think I can stand looking at your stupid little face all day long."

"I already have a co-worker replacement."

"No, son, there's no severance package."

'For the sake of convenience everybody just calls me Joe.'

'Fortunately, Henderson's no fool - He's a damn'd fool.'

'Your falback position, Petersen, is out the door.'

I'm the vice president of something or other...

'We need more boots on the ground.'

'This came in from somewhere. Could you send it somewhere else?'

"I'll make this brief, Anderson."

'I'm changing the holiday schedule, you're on holiday from now.'

'I'd think twice before picking c-4.'

'We're hoping to get enough for the boss to take early retirement.'

"Words cannot describe my feelings for your work, so I've sent you a string of vicious emojis."

"In this company we don't just appreciate our workers. We celebrate them from their first until their last day, which as you might have noticed for you has come today."

"Make up one for the office that says 'Hard Head Area'."

'Is this the one with the fault?'

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!

In case of fire, change subject.

One of Santa's elves is crushed to death by a present in the workshop, ruining the 364 days of 'Elf and Safety'.

'We've been looking at a new 'incentive' scheme. The incentive is you get to keep your job!'

"I'm not saying I don't have any faith in you...but, if you were a stock, I'd short you."