Workplace Peacekeeper Gifts

"Actually we were hoping you'd encourage a more conciliatory approach to conflict management."

'This makes things very messy. He's claiming he programmed the lunchroom toaster to do muffins.'

'Treat me easy this morning.'

"How can I word this Christmas card to my boss without wishing him a merry Christmas?"

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

37 years in the same position.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

Israel/Palestine Conflict

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

Home Sweet Home

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

Five doors: Push, Pull, Up High, Down Low, Too Slow.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'