Workplace Peacemaker Gifts

"If we get out of this alive, I'm signing up for that management class."

Boss in front of angry mob: 'Put it in writing.'

"On behalf of all of us – apart for J. Edward – we'd like to welcome you."

"I'm not saying it's your fault but I'm not ruling it out either."

'I hate to be the one who has to tell you John. Your work here, it's overlapping.'

'Just because I'm preparing your retirement benefits package, doesn't mean I've ever forgotten the nasty name you called me back in '89!'

'I don't care where your union sympathies lie...everyone here gets a plain mug.'

They used the most advanced methods to solve their conflicts.

HR - Helping Relationships

"Come on, Joey, this is nothing. I wouldn't worry about this at all."

"We're appointing a special master to find out why everyone hates you."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

Israel/Palestine Conflict

"What colour do you have to get before the big kids leave you alone?"

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

Self-Help Books Families for Lockdown

'This rift between you and Dr. Voight has become a chasm.'

Noise Pollution

'Wouldn't it be cheaper to apologise to the Middle East?'

"Granberry, you're about to suffer a near-death experience!"

'King Solomon had seven hundred wives, Ed, and you just have the one. Surely you can work out your differences.'

"Hey, you guys, don't you remember? The big word here is 'compromise.' "

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'Do you want to reschedule? Normally he has a magnetic personality, but today he seems to have reversed polarity.'

"Why can't you ever relax at parties?"

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

A divided world.

"God help us, it's that guy."

"We need to work on our people-friendly image you jackass."

"We're too tired to argue. Let's let Siri and Alexa handle this for us."

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."