Playground Peacemaker Gifts

"Girls! Stop fighting over the friendship bracelets."

'Quick! Get me the dispute resolution mediator!'

"Get lost! You can't play with us!"

"She Kim Jong-Un'ed me."

"Oh yeah, well I bet my Dad's got more second families than your Dad."

'My dad's bigger than your dad' (Two overweight children compare their overweight fathers)

'Why is a teacher always first on the scene?'

"What colour do you have to get before the big kids leave you alone?"

"Listen kid, you may have been a big man on the playground but that was last year. First grade is where it all suddenly gets real."

"No, I get it. You wanna pay me to have a little 'chat' with a dad whose kid beat up your kid. I'm just not sure it's ethical."

"I could step in, but he's twice our age. I'd hate to be accused of elder abuse."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

Israel/Palestine Conflict

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

HR - Helping Relationships

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'This rift between you and Dr. Voight has become a chasm.'

Noise Pollution

'Wouldn't it be cheaper to apologise to the Middle East?'

"Granberry, you're about to suffer a near-death experience!"

'King Solomon had seven hundred wives, Ed, and you just have the one. Surely you can work out your differences.'

"Hey, you guys, don't you remember? The big word here is 'compromise.' "

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

Alien attack in the 1950s

'Do you want to reschedule? Normally he has a magnetic personality, but today he seems to have reversed polarity.'

"Why can't you ever relax at parties?"

"God help us, it's that guy."

A divided world.

"We need to work on our people-friendly image you jackass."

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

'I'd like three dozen friendship cards -- this war has gone on long enough.'

Gaza escalation

"What part of 'keep it bipartisan' didn’t you understand?"