Workplace Gossip Fan Gifts

'Mister Laurie let his mind run free in 1996 and it never came back.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"You would be perfect if you weren't you!"

'I'm a fat cat in a dog-eat-dog world.'

"Of course I believe in diversity. Harlan, here, is an endangered species."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

Giving feedback is a complex process.

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

'Well, this is a new low - even for you.'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

The Hive, Inc. Think safety! 17 days without a honey boo-boo.

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

Hey boss, in light of all that's been happening in Hollywood and journalism, I just want to thank you. For what? Well, for a long time now, you've underpaid me, overworked me, threatened to replace me with undocumented workers or robots, made me an unwitting accomplice to money laundering for foreign oligarchs ... but you've never sexually harassed me. So for that, boss, I thank you. Only a fool would engage in an unprofitable ... I mean ... immoral ... activity. You're such a wonderful very bad

'I'm on the way to a meeting. Go back to whatever you weren't doing.'

"Hate to see you leave—you were my favorite puppet."

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"