Office Gossip Aficionado Gifts

"There's a rumour that someone may be resigning today."

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

'Beneath that brusque, mean, arrogant exterior beats a heart of brusqueness, meanness and arrogance.'

'The girls in the office said you were very energetic in bed - the lying bastards!'

"Looks like Ernie's office is really trending today."

"Welcome to the team, you'll mainly be working from home and just popping into the office every few weeks for a bit of chitchat and bonhomie."

"Problems, boss! A check of our current employees discovered that you lied on your resume 22 years ago!"

"Won't talk eh. . ?"

A water cooler moment alone.

"And then Ralph told Edna in accounting...."

"I should tell you, the company frowns on engaging in gossip about the employees...got any good stuff?"

'Why, hello, dear -- I was just making sure that my secretary isn't wearing a wire.'

'Well, he was conspicuous by his absence, but still pretty inconspicuous.'

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

'We don't know whether he's snowed under with work, on holiday, off sick or even passed on...'

'The boss thinks we're spending too much time around the water cooler so he's taking advantage of it.'

When I went in they were discussing Tina Turner.

"It's serious, he's breaking company policy on personnal e-mails"

'Thank you so much for talking me out of that, guys. I don't know what I was thinking - I guess I just felt bad about poisoning the coffee.'

'Anything I tell you goes in one ear, and out the telephone.'

'All these lateral hires to US firms just show how rotten to the core the legal profession is...'

'Can you work overtime?'

"Do you know what I hate about this company? There's always someone looking over your shoulder as you work!"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."