Office Gossip Gifts

"Keep an eye on that Santa...I think he might be a damned headhunter!"

'Nobody has seen as many employees and CEOs coming and going as you have, Higgins. How long have you worked here now?'

'Are you crazy, lady? You ordered these twenty minute sago.'

'The only reason I come to work in the office now is to talk about sports.'

'Don't tell me the office intranet is down again!!'

'Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.'

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

"Since the boss hung up this sign the office sound level has dropped by 87%."

'Rumor has it, Beegley, that you don't smoke - you just like to get outside to goof off...'

'He can't be far. His phone is still warm.'

My husband doesn´t understand you.

'Our boss will never retire. It says that when his time has come, the pest controller will take him...'

'The workers talk about football, managers talk about tennis, and top brass talk about golf.' - 'So the bigger the job the smaller the balls.'

"You would be perfect if you weren't you!"

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

"Alright mate? Fancy popping out later for a couple of units?"

"Thank God Brexit has been delayed, now we can get back to talking about house prices,"

"The defibrillators are used when someone is either having a heart attack or trying to leave early."

'If I were you I wouldn't have anything to do with Howard in the Sales Department. He has a history of bowling.'

'I'm a fat cat in a dog-eat-dog world.'

"While you were out, the Yanks rallied for three in the bottom of the seventh."

'I'm considered the 'go-to' guy... Mostly go-to hell.'

'I never give away a secret. I exchange it for another.'

At Gossips Anonymous...

'My New Year's Eve Date: A Hypothetical Personality Fragment.'

"So who else is gonna be there?"

"Sorry to keep you waiting but we were hoping you'd get tired of waiting and just leave."

"Had half of Fox-and-Friends gnawing my ass this morning."

21st century water cooler conversations.

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"I hear you may do a baby."

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."