Office Gossip Enthusiasts Gifts

'I need you to hold your ear to the ground to find out what the employees are up to...'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

21st century water cooler conversations.

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'I'll get back to you when I'm myself, Eddie.'

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

"You would be perfect if you weren't you!"

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

'I'm a fat cat in a dog-eat-dog world.'

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Hard day at work, dear?'

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'A word in my office Jones.'

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

'Miss Ryder, I'm ready to start executing.'

Graph leads down into egg with a big crack.

'I just happened to be in the right place at the right time to make CEO.'

"I've notices that you seem to be in the office 15 hours a day. . ."