Office Gossip Lover Gifts

'Boss, I feel discriminated against. My department manager gropes every female colleague except me!'

Let's meet for a drink after work. I've got office gossip you can't appreciate without a buzz.'

'There are a lot of drips working here, but you'll learn to go with the flow.'

'Better tell Spagthorpe WISHFUL thinking is a no-no!'

'Poor chap's really embarrassed...a blogger blew the lid on all the sexual antics and affairs in top management,and he wasn't even mentioned!'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

21st century water cooler conversations.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'What's wrong now?'

'She's so put together!'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

A little bird told me...

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

'You can drop all the hints you like, Jones. We're not buying you a computer.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'I give this one about three months...'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'