Workplace Dynamic Analyst Gifts

'Dayton, you're a decent, respectable, ethical, honest and nice guy. What the hell are you up to?'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"Next on the agenda: How can we crush workers' spirit, while appearing to care?"

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

'All applicants for employment must first submit to a company physical - We use it to eliminate anyone with a backbone.'

"It's time for your performance review where I damn you with faint praise."

'Have you decided who's going to be team leader?'

'You're not the manager I expected.' - 'So blame yourself for having lousy judgement.'

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

Group of people.

These young people need everything spelled out to them! I miss the old days, when a wink was a wink, and a nod was a nod.

"It's late. I am not getting into another heated discussion with you."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

'Don't try to use me. I'm not user friendly!'

"OK Hunter. Go join the 'non-verbal criticism skills' seminar!"

Good solution. Now we need a good problem.

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Miss Wilkins, I need you to pop in and hang up my phone for me again.

"Oh, he claims I bit his head off, did he? And I suppose you BELIEVED him?"

"That report you wrote sure made me look good to the board... Take an extra five minutes for lunch!"

I don't feel very secure on this job.

'Lets see now, Henderson, you've not shown any initiative because nobody asked you to.'

'I never question your ability. I never even mention it.'

Age-salary ratio

Corporate Scapegoat of the Month (Poster hanging on company hallway)