Team Dynamic Analyst Gifts

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"I hate it when the boss goes with his gut!"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

Mayhem, Inc. Part 29

Common Core Family Therapy

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"Next on the agenda: How can we crush workers' spirit, while appearing to care?"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"It's time for your performance review where I damn you with faint praise."

'Are we us or them?'

"I'm not ready to put you on my favorites contact list, but I will add you to a group text."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"It's late. I am not getting into another heated discussion with you."

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

The Department of People waiting for Something to Happen...

'Looks like Kryson is no longer in the inner circle.'

'Dayton, you're a decent, respectable, ethical, honest and nice guy. What the hell are you up to?'

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

'Dig in.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'I'll take that as a screwed up ball of paper bouncing off my head then?'

Corporate Scapegoat of the Month (Poster hanging on company hallway)

'I never get any credit for all the years we upsized.'

"We're looking to hire a team player. How would you feel about taking the fall for the company's financial collapse?"

"Encouraging dissent is a good way of finding out who the traitors are."

'Excellent - it's unanimous!'

'We like the teamwork idea, but Mr. Superstar won't let us play with his ball.'

"It's just the boss building consensus."

The team wondered if he would ever fit in.

Above Reproach.

"Welcome to the team. Now put on your Groupthing Glasses!"

"The marketing department says it's my turn to kick the ball."

'And that's Mel. To be honest, I've always found him to be a hard person to nail down!'