Workplace Dynamic Analyst T-Shirts

'Dayton, you're a decent, respectable, ethical, honest and nice guy. What the hell are you up to?'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

Suzie would later win a Nobel Prize for her Law of Special Social Relativity.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

'Oh don't mind him - he's just a great big teddy bear.'

"Next on the agenda: How can we crush workers' spirit, while appearing to care?"

'All applicants for employment must first submit to a company physical - We use it to eliminate anyone with a backbone.'

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

"It's time for your performance review where I damn you with faint praise."

'Have you decided who's going to be team leader?'

"It's late. I am not getting into another heated discussion with you."

These young people need everything spelled out to them! I miss the old days, when a wink was a wink, and a nod was a nod.

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

'Don't try to use me. I'm not user friendly!'

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

Group of people.

'You're not the manager I expected.' - 'So blame yourself for having lousy judgement.'

"OK Hunter. Go join the 'non-verbal criticism skills' seminar!"

Good solution. Now we need a good problem.

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

Age-salary ratio

'Lets see now, Henderson, you've not shown any initiative because nobody asked you to.'

'I never question your ability. I never even mention it.'

"That report you wrote sure made me look good to the board... Take an extra five minutes for lunch!"

'I'm afraid of being left behind.'

I don't feel very secure on this job.

"Oh, he claims I bit his head off, did he? And I suppose you BELIEVED him?"

Corporate Scapegoat of the Month (Poster hanging on company hallway)

Miss Wilkins, I need you to pop in and hang up my phone for me again.