Couple Dynamic Analyst T-Shirts

'You've got to stop getting back at each other by flushing the toilet when the other one is in the shower.'

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"I'm not ready to put you on my favorites contact list, but I will add you to a group text."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

'Dayton, you're a decent, respectable, ethical, honest and nice guy. What the hell are you up to?'

"He's all mine. Life is good."

'I never get any credit for all the years we upsized.'

(Phil Hanson and the Philettes)

"Nothing personal, I just wanted to see if I still had it."

'You were right. We should have gotten a lap dog.'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"Who has the most power... the president or his wife?"

"Typical, you knew my mother was coming today, so you had to have a big meal to be torpid for a few days!"

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

'I'm normally a leg man, but in your case.'

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

'I tried to get him to reinvent himself, but he said he couldn't get a patent.'

"I'm getting to know the staff better. You're my son, aren't you?"

Chair Policy

'It would have been easier to prove your father was of sound mind when he wrote this will if he hadn't written it on the headed notepaper of the psychiatric hospital in which he'd been sectioned.'

"How come I never see that smile?"

"Sulk all you want Edward, we are not adding sporting equipment to our wedding registry!"

"Use your indoor gun."

"You've had to be kind to survive, and I've had to be nasty."

'And last and least...'