Couple Dynamic Analyst Pillows

'You've got to stop getting back at each other by flushing the toilet when the other one is in the shower.'

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

Suzie would later win a Nobel Prize for her Law of Special Social Relativity.

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Common Core Family Therapy

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"I'm not ready to put you on my favorites contact list, but I will add you to a group text."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'But you have your own drawer - what greater display of commitment could you want?'

'Dayton, you're a decent, respectable, ethical, honest and nice guy. What the hell are you up to?'

"He's all mine. Life is good."

'I never get any credit for all the years we upsized.'

"I think the banana looks like a mustache, or a weird smile or something. How about an apple? ... Just a suggestion."

(Phil Hanson and the Philettes)

"Nothing personal, I just wanted to see if I still had it."

'You were right. We should have gotten a lap dog.'

"Who has the most power... the president or his wife?"

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"Typical, you knew my mother was coming today, so you had to have a big meal to be torpid for a few days!"

'I'm normally a leg man, but in your case.'

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

'I tried to get him to reinvent himself, but he said he couldn't get a patent.'

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

"I'm getting to know the staff better. You're my son, aren't you?"

'It would have been easier to prove your father was of sound mind when he wrote this will if he hadn't written it on the headed notepaper of the psychiatric hospital in which he'd been sectioned.'

Chair Policy

"Use your indoor gun."

"Sulk all you want Edward, we are not adding sporting equipment to our wedding registry!"

"How come I never see that smile?"

Bloody Little Hitler

You're wearing your lab coat. What's up? Something big. Amending my unified theory of picking up chicks. Check it out. Explain, doctor. To start, you'll need a notepad and a gym membership.

'And last and least...'