Workplace Dynamics Analyst Gifts

"Damnit, that's not what I call accountability."

"I want that report on bullying and I want it now!"

"Next on the agenda: How can we crush workers' spirit, while appearing to care?"

Above Reproach.

'I'll take that as a screwed up ball of paper bouncing off my head then?'

"It's late. I am not getting into another heated discussion with you."

"I'd like to remind you that I have a 100 resumes from people who love to have your job."

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

'Get rid of these yes-men and get me some secretaries in miniskirts!'

'Why the sudden interest in the way I type.'

'Ignore the knuckle-walk. Morton's on track for alpha male.'

"Over here, Billingsley."

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

'It's nothing personal, Johnson, we're letting all the deadwood go.'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"It's time for your performance review where I damn you with faint praise."

"Oh, no. That's not good."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."