Workplace Anniversary Gifts

'And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about.'

'Sorry Mike. You're evenly matched in technical skills and productivity, but Zorgbot is simply more affable.'

'We've been sacked!' (Employment tribunal)

"What do you prefer to improve your motivation?"

"No, you can't borrow my pen."

'And this is Ziggy, our stress management consultant...'

Must resist urge to mock inspirational posters

'I need my space. That's why I eat a lot of garlic.'

'You can't let Jenkins go. He's the only one who is willing to clean the microwave.'

'Any questions about alleged accounting irregularities will be answered by my assistant, Mr Puppeto...'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Let's not go by the book.'

Butterfly Woman