Work Anniversaries Gifts

"Oh, I see you're busy, so I'll keep talking."

'Anyone that needs further proof can see Carl after the meeting.'

Quality Contorl.

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'You'll notice on my resume that nothing has ever been my fault.'

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

'I don't know who's cranking up the air conditioning out here, but knock it off!'

'These business meetings are like panda matings...The expectations are always high, but the results are usually disappointing.'

"All those in favour say 'aye'."

'You can't sack me just because I'm totally useless. That's discrimination against totally useless people.'

"Nighty-night, sleep tight, don't let the compliance department investigators bite."

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

'Such work commitment has to be rewarded: The ticket is free Sir...'

"The aspirin there is your medical benefit and here is your vision benefit."

"We're hoping to finalize the deal with the Mexican guys later on this afternoon."

'Yes... it's one of ours. Looks like Riley with some minor wing damage.'

"It's been moved and seconded that we outsource EVERYTHING, take a vacation and meet back here in a year to see how things are going!"

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

We are looking to develop staff skills...but singing Queens greatest hits while balancing a bottle of beer on your face isn't one of them.

'Wow, she's still here! That's what I like about Sally, she has a great work ethic!'

'We tried a new marketing strategy, a new sales concept and a new business policy. It all failed. We have one more chance to succeed. Do the words 'Incas' and 'Human Sacrifice' ring a bell?'

A man is in an office, behind him is a glass box containing a glass and a bottle, there is a sign saying 'in case of emergency'

"Well we've had our 15% budget cut confirmed,nobody's applied for our vacancies and we're moving the office into the Portocabin in the carpark. Item 2 staff morale."

'After having been 'non-retained', 'dehired', 'released' and 'set free' from previous jobs, I just want to say how refreshing it is to finally be flat-out fired for a change.'

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"I didn't say it was your fault...I said we are going to say it is."

'I worked out a deal with management that if I trim two minutes off of every coffee break, they'll let me retire 14 months early,'

Bad business inc.

"The company is in deep water? Why do you think so?"

Acne Automation Works Outing

Corporate Punishment.

'I try not to think big too often or I get terrible headaches.'

'This is Harold. Harold is part of our company's jobless recovery.'