Work Anniversary Gifts

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

'Well, this looks like the spot where your bandwidth is getting all clogged up.'

Collaboration

'How the hell do I tell them i haven't a clue where we're going?'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

Health and safety nightmare.

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

"I have a system."

'He's done well considering he was just a part-time summer intern.'

"Hey! I was looking all over for you. You have the wrong piece of paper."

"Run it by legal." "Run it by accounting."

Brainstorm Ideas why meeting should be over

"No, not there, please. That's where I'm going to put my head."

'...any other business?'

"The boss wants me to create a computer algorithm that converts hindsite into foresight."

"First of all, forget everything you learned in obedience school."

"I never thought I'd see the day, they're taking our suggestions seriously at last!"

"I didn't get where I am by trying to please."

"Ahh, the arbitration team is here."

"Well, if doodling all day is busy, I was busy."

"Obviously, wishful thinking alone won't turn things around. It's going to take wishful thinking combined with some powerful new jargon!"

Before Corporate Training/After Corporate Training

"Well that answers the question 'Does the CEO understand what we do?'!"

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I suggest because I'm the boss and I say so. Or, #2: I launch into an excruciatingly dull, long and detailed presentation explaining my position. You decide."

"At least you didn't get the axe."

'Almost finished.'

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

"All I can say is thank goodness for teleconferencing."

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"You'll work nights and the pay is garbage."

"How come you never give me ideas like that?"

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I wish I had a salary that disgusted people."