Working In Customer Service Gifts

'Your call may be monitored for sheer entertainment purposes.'

Preemptive customer service.

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Direct Marketing...

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"Nihilistic customer service"

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

Have you tried turning it off and on again?