Working In Customer Service Prints

'Your call may be monitored for sheer entertainment purposes.'

Preemptive customer service.

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

Direct Marketing...

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"Nihilistic customer service"

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."