Worker In Precarious Employment Gifts

"I'm on a zero hours contract."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

Office Park

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

Urine Catcher

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

'I told you you were missing a decimal point in you dynamite calculations.'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

If this plutonium should start to roam,box it's ears and sent it home.

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

Stop staring at that screen saver!

'Bob, I was just trying to get you on the phone to see what all that noise outside was about.'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'I wish they would just spring for a paper shredder.'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

EPA - Environmental Persecution Agency.

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

'Arthur loves his new job with the fairground - gets a company car as well.'

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

Latrinologist

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

"Woodpecker gets an office job."

'I'd prefer to work from home. I'm under house arrest.'

"Several industrial plants are having to close because energy costs are outstripping revenues and because employees can no longer afford to drive to work at gas prices of five euros a liter..."

'This accountant will do.'

'This one belonged to a little old lady with weak eyes.'