Work Humor Fan Gifts

Contractor Ants

'Before I could tell him about the new puppy, the boss gave me a raise in my clothing allowance.'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

Can do...No can do

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

The Rubber Ball Company

Organization is not rocket science!

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

A secretary at a desk with a nameplate the says Dot Com.

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

Woman holds report: 'This has so many different fonts in it, I thougt it was a ransom note.'

"I always like to clear my desk off for the weekend."

Dog's In Tray and Out Tray

"Good news. It's a small pig."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'