Wordplay Warriors Gifts

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

"I want you to come up with a new word to define 'profits'."

Please Keep off the Grass...

'Now try not to let this fella get in too close. He has a huge Right Cross.'

I heard you were well sick.

"From now on my name is Turkiye, not Turkey anymore!"

"I'm alone, cowboy."

Watering Can

Wordilly Durdillies - 'The Swedes that you can eat between meals...

Flour pot, sugar pot, tea pot, pot.

'ROSES!'

Army officer visiting optometrist having a reading test - Boom, kaboom, wham, pow pow, bang bang.

'I'm just surfing the web.'

"Your online dating profile said you were a really big dill. I thought it was a typo."

Archeology Dept. Storage. Ernie, this box should be labeled "unidentified pottery fragments," not "pots unknown."

Euphemisms 101

“Ok, first word … sounds like dimmer. Swimmer? Glimmer!”

"It's a pluot—an apricot that self-identifies as a plum."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Staff support"

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Copycats

Zombie standup

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'