Woodwise Wits Pillows

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

Miss America IQ Pageant

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"Lovely dovetail."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

K9 Literati.

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

Conference Room. I don't have the heart to tell him it wasn't a compliment when the boss said "in every brainstorming session Ernie is a ray of sunshine."

On second thought, your honor

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

'Always the wise guy.'

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

"What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing."

'It's going to be hard to get lost in these woods!'

You're too enamored of wealth, Al. As it says in the Bible, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle that for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Is that a regular Camel, or does it have a filter tip?

"May I see some ID, Madame? Haha, just kidding!"

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

"She can be outspoken."

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

Cowboy on horse sees diretion sign for 'thataway'.

Flat Foot

One Way/Two Ways.

Mechanics price list.

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

'Do Not Feed The Bares'

If you're going to flap that hard, you need to tighten the wing nuts!

You'll never get anywhere as a sculptor, Ernie, until you learn to let the chips fall where they may.

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."