Woodsy Wine Humorist Gifts

'It's very 'woody'...'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Opening the Barrel

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

Wine: New & Old!!!

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

Grape vines think alike.

"A whino!"

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

Waiter watering down wine

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'