Woke Conversationists Gifts

"I've used 'Systemic Racism', 'White Privilege', 'Post-Racial Society' and 'Marginalized'"

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

No, no, don't tell me … you lost weight? You cut your hair? Wait, did you used to wear glasses?

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

'I preferred it before you started taking Prozac.'

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

"I got married once - to avoid writing."

Politically Correct Snowperson

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

'And he's so-o-o-o knowledgeable about wine. He must have spent an hour telling me about his trip to Chardonnary.'

Not quite Beverly Hills.

"I'm going to Afghanistan. . . "

So, what disturbing topic would you like to talk about today, Al? How about your new combover, Doctor?

"What is it about us that makes only crazy people want to talk to us?"

'Did someone forget to circle before dinner.'

'I chase women, but only to tell them about investment opportunities.'

"Not to be a killjoy, but this happened on our property. Are liable?"

"I detect an accent — one that's down on its luck and has had too much to drink."

Men telling stories

"I've got what it takes to take what you've got."

My name's Troy, and I'll be your serve tonight. My name's Fred and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon. I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason.

"There's a smidgen of Charlie Rose about you."

“I think you’ve had enough.”

"We could always adopt, like, 50 little bunnies from Asia."

'Say 'Nessage in a gottle.' one more time and I'm putting you back in your box.'

"Actually, I'm not a New York Yankees fan. I'm a New York Yankees cap fan."

"You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies?"

Doctor's advice.

"Well, I can't stay chatting like this . . . better finish taking the dog for his walk!"

Hey, no kidding...I'm a Pisces too!