Opinionated Conversationalists Gifts

'They should lose their tax exempt status! Churches have no rights to be involved in politics!'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'...can you tell me how to blame Obama for all that?'

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

A lesson in wit

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'