Hipster Conversationalist Gifts

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Annual run-off at the mouth.

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

Emergency Hipster Beard

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

Gangsta wrap.

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

Hipster Police Department

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."