Witty Witch Gifts

"Try splashing me now."

"Bed Spread"

Miss America IQ Pageant

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

'Always the wise guy.'

"She can be outspoken."

"What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing."

Knights of the iPhone

Wise Cracker

Death Watch

No Action Comics

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

Probably should have cleared my bookshelf before the zoom call...

Flat Foot

"Yes I do like intelligent women - what a stupid question!"

"I thought you meant a football pool."

'I'm worried that my crippling anxiety is going to shorten my life.'

Build a better mousetrap and the IRS will beat a path to your door.

"It's nice to know I've still got it."

"My Dad told me not to make the same mistakes he did. That doesn't leave much left!"

One Way/Two Ways.

Mechanics price list.

'Ignore him - philosophers will do anything to attract attention.'