Witty Wishes Admirer Pillows

Bangers and Mash

"Touché"

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"I love this time of year."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

'I handed over my company to my son and he's doing better than I ever did. Unfortunately he's starting school next year...'

Sudoku toilet paper

Death Watch

It started with a giggling sound in the suspension, then a noise in the ventilator, and then...

Wise Cracker

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

"I thought you meant a football pool."

It had to be you!

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

Mechanics price list.

One Way/Two Ways.

"You have to admire their ingenuity at least -- They're burying their apple cores."

Liquor Store: Lean to Open.

'I don't think she's pretty.' 'Neither do I.' (After a pause.) 'Did she refuse you too?'

'Yeah... and I'm the tooth-fairy!'

"I hope you've come home with something for your wind."

Armour Plate

"You've put on weight."

"We have a new card line called 'It Must Be Nice'. Congratulate your friends, but with a hint of bitterness."

"You can try all you want, but being smooth is just something you're born with."

Young Girl: 'Oh YEAH?! Well my Mum's Toy Boy is YOUNGER than YOUR Mum's!'

'An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. . .'

"Thinking outside the box? You bet I am!"

"You go first. If there's a flesh-eating virus in there, I want it to be well-fed."

"I used to live each dray to the fullest. Now I'm satisfied with every other Tuesday."

"I'd like something profound, witty, and outrageously irreverent."

'I have nothing to declare but my genius!'