Witty Well-wisher Pillows

"We have a new card line called 'It Must Be Nice'. Congratulate your friends, but with a hint of bitterness."

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

Some cars need a backseat steering wheel.

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

Drive-thru Church

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Death Watch

Wise Cracker

Wishing Well

"You want England to win what!? Put me back in the lamp!"

'I've got one of those wobbly forwards trolleys!'

Greetings!

"And if anything goes wrong I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

"I thought you meant a football pool."

What do you wish for next year?

"Yes I do like intelligent women - what a stupid question!"

One Way/Two Ways.

Mechanics price list.

'Yeah... and I'm the tooth-fairy!'

Wine Well

'I wish I was still wearing size 32 underwear.'

'Keep in mind I'm beautiful on the inside.'

"We don't need proof of each delivery."

"I'd like something profound, witty, and outrageously irreverent."

'I have nothing to declare but my genius!'

'I've always been a bit of a ladies' man.'

"You wouldn't believe how much it costs to feed eight tiny reindeer."

March Hare

"Pick any three items and they're yours"

A moocher borrows a cup of sugar to make a sponge cake.

Patient decorating hospital room.

'Happy New Year.'

Wanted - Mug Shot Photographer

I'm all out of small change... Do you think it will accept Visa Card?