Witty Wishes Admirer Gifts

'I wish I was still wearing size 32 underwear.'

Bangers and Mash

"Touché"

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"I love this time of year."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

'I handed over my company to my son and he's doing better than I ever did. Unfortunately he's starting school next year...'

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

It started with a giggling sound in the suspension, then a noise in the ventilator, and then...

Sudoku toilet paper

Wise Cracker

Death Watch

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

It had to be you!

"I thought you meant a football pool."

Mechanics price list.

One Way/Two Ways.

"You have to admire their ingenuity at least -- They're burying their apple cores."

Liquor Store: Lean to Open.

'I don't think she's pretty.' 'Neither do I.' (After a pause.) 'Did she refuse you too?'

Armour Plate

"I hope you've come home with something for your wind."

'Yeah... and I'm the tooth-fairy!'

"You've put on weight."

"We have a new card line called 'It Must Be Nice'. Congratulate your friends, but with a hint of bitterness."

'An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. . .'

"I'd like something profound, witty, and outrageously irreverent."

"You go first. If there's a flesh-eating virus in there, I want it to be well-fed."

"You can try all you want, but being smooth is just something you're born with."

If you think I've been witty and charming so far, wait until you see the word balloons I have back at my house.

"Thinking outside the box? You bet I am!"

Young Girl: 'Oh YEAH?! Well my Mum's Toy Boy is YOUNGER than YOUR Mum's!'

"I used to live each dray to the fullest. Now I'm satisfied with every other Tuesday."