Witty Skateboarder Pillows

'I've forgotten my knee pads, you've strapped a gas bottle to your head. I dunno. It doesn't bode well, does it?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

Sharp Eyes

You trip on it, you buy it.

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

'He never listened to his mother!'

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

Male On Sunday

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Bagel problems.

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Bell Hop

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

Cottage Cheese

Change Of Heart

"I beg to differ, Miss. My answer is correct. It's your question that's wrong."

'You could use more fiber in your diet; go sow a few wild oat brans.'

Cross Umbrella