Witty Humor Appreciated Pillows

'Guy comes up with one interesting theory about special relativity, suddenly he thinks he's freakin' Einstein,'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'Whoooa,MAN,check out this STORM! It's PELTING down!'

"Touché"

'It's not Spring yet! Go back to sleep!'

"I love this time of year."

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

Heart To Heart

"You have a lot of unresolved anger and it's settled in your hat."

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Is this your father, little guy? No, lady, my father is a libel attorney, and you'll be hearing from him.

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

Whipping Cream

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

Spiv

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

Under Canvas

Couple using dogs to pull their camper van.

'Dear Oscar, such a dry sense of humour.'

'Personally I wouldn't be seen dead in it.'

Tom Bowler

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

"You're definitely going to need an extraction."

'If she goes, we go!'

"Thank you so much for the loan. I don't think I can ever repay you."

"Emergoplatzkyduble." "Bori gluk!"

"My wife's a magician . . . she can turn anything into an argument."

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."