Witty Humor Appreciated Pillows

'Guy comes up with one interesting theory about special relativity, suddenly he thinks he's freakin' Einstein,'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'Whoooa,MAN,check out this STORM! It's PELTING down!'

"Touché"

"I love this time of year."

'It's not Spring yet! Go back to sleep!'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

Heart To Heart

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

Whipping Cream

Spiv

"You have a lot of unresolved anger and it's settled in your hat."

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

'Personally I wouldn't be seen dead in it.'

Couple using dogs to pull their camper van.

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

Tom Bowler

'Dear Oscar, such a dry sense of humour.'

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

Under Canvas

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

"Thank you so much for the loan. I don't think I can ever repay you."

"Emergoplatzkyduble." "Bori gluk!"

"My wife's a magician . . . she can turn anything into an argument."

Sheet Music

"You're definitely going to need an extraction."

'If she goes, we go!'

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."