Wisecrack Theologian Gifts

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

"I want to be street smart so I can be a road scholar."

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

Hot cross buns

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

Welcome! University of Hard Knocks...Where common sense is better than smarts!

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'Now that we can talk, let me give you some advice....'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"You know what burns me up? I deliberately kept my life uneventful, and I got old anyway."