Wise Soul Gifts

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

New Geriatric Aid.

God measures success by the weight of a heart- not a wallet.

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

Guru in a maze.

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

"I got the bagel less everythinged, and that has made all the difference."

Life is just four letters...

Jim was busy detoxing his negative thinking patterns.

Having a senior moment

'Why don't you take out the garbage sometime?'

I wonder if they can think...

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

Actually, I'm not really a guru...

Garbage is a collector's item.

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"

'Hear no evil. See no evil. Do no evil'

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."

"Remember anything recently?"

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

Past, Present, Future Thoughts