Wise Crack Pillows

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

The Vineyard

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"I want to be street smart so I can be a road scholar."

Loopholes

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"You know what burns me up? I deliberately kept my life uneventful, and I got old anyway."

"We've been hacked by our enemies! Is there anyone who know something about computers?"

'...On the other hand - the examined life sucks too.'

Smart people learn from experience - other peoples'.

"Oh, you mellow with age alright: I even like the postman now..."

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

The Guru has left this location after discovering the secret to happiness is better cell phone reception.

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

The tax and maintenance charges are why they call them con-doughs.

"Hey lad, when I was your age I was so much older than you."

No ultimatum. Please give.

"Remember son, there's no problem so big that it can't be run away from."

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

"Trust me: It's benign."

Mayfly Wisdom: Never put off til tomorrow...

"Crap! There's a really big piece of tape!"

'If you were your dog, would you pick you for a best friend?'

"He's a barn owl, we're great horned owls – completely different class."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins at my ATM."

A man giving advice to his son

"That reminds me of a joke..."