Wintertime Storyteller Gifts

"I love this time of year."

Actually, Bob, it's a myth that most of our heat escapes through our heads.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

“Hey Everyone! It’s the first day of Fall! Okay, you go first!”

Snowman of the Apes

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

Rude Snowpeople

Ooooh! Someone got a carrot job! Someone got a carrot job!

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

Filming Christmas

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

"By God, Man! Yes!! This is the stuff we're looking for!"

'Don't be silly - the sun won't burn itself our for another 5 billion years. Bedsides, the Earth will have been smashed to smithereens by asteroids long before that.'

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

"Stay-at-home Snowdad."

A feminist Christmas.

"Papi, I heard something!"

There's no place like Ho-Ho-Home

Knight before Christmas

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

The Month of June

A Salmon Lie

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

"Hello, Number 6!"

'Whoa! Must have snowed two feet last night.'

Santa Claus writes a 'Yule Blog'.

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

He'll never melt. I made him from fast food milkshakes.

Melted Snow Man behind police cordon

'Son, you're old enough now to know, there's no such thing as Christmas.'